Thursday, March 11, 2010


Lately I've been thinking about how much I scare myself when I'm angry. It's happened a couple times and I havent thought much of it. I was so frustrated yesterday, plus my Biology teacher was giving me attitude so I gave her attitude back. Long story short I got up and kicked my very heavy and full backpack that was probably a good 30 pounds at least acrossed the room. I sat down shaking and sweating. This hasnt been the first time either. Last year I had a thing for punching lockers. There are a good 4 or 5 lockers that have my knuckle marks in them. It also got to the point once where I threw a kid around. I scare myself so much because when I get angry everything is a blur with snapshots of clarity, I'm a machine. Just like when I threw that kid around. It was like everything was a step. 1.) Throw him against the wall 2.) Arm hanging out, grab and shove him against opposite wall 3.) Face open, punch... and I stopped. Right before I raised my fist to knock him out. I walked away shaking my head. It's a scary feeling. It's just snap shots, and then actions. Instinct. It required no thoughts. This is just one of many things that has been bugging me. Maybe I'll write about it more sometime. Until next time.


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