Monday, February 8, 2010

Love and the Boy/Girl Problem

Dear Blog,

Lately love has been on my mind. Mainly because my girlfriend has continuelly been trying to force the phrase upon me despite my continuous asking her not to. This has caused me to ask what love is. To me love is something that I have never felt. Sure I have really liked someone but I have never thought of it as love. Maybe because love has always been defined as something nothing like anything you will feel. I like to tell myself that love is just another emotion as common as anger or sadness. Needless to say I still find myself running from love. Running from saying it. Maybe it's my family issues. Maybe it's because I experienced the loss of loved pets when I was young. Maybe no one knows. Love is just something that has yet to strike me. All that I know is that love will hurt so much more than liking someone. It's the human conflict. No matter how perfect of a couple two people are, there is always something awful about their relationship. This is because two humans will never fully understand each other.

This brings me to the next subject that's been on my mind. How relationships work.

See me and my girlfriend have been the typical on again off again relationship. We hate to like each other. We fight about something at least once a week. Usually over who is flirting with who and honesty issues. Yet I keep going back to her. I have always been the one to break up with her. The weird thing is that if she left me for good I wouldnt care. I just cant leave her. I went into this relationship thinking "Hey. She sleeps around with guys. She'll probably use me and dump me or cheat on me and it'll be over. I dont expect anything out of this." yet here we are 2 monthes later which will be my second longest relationship so far. Yet every relationship I go into expecting love and happieness it is never fulfilled.

All in all there is always something of great issue on my mind. I am not completely sure what willl come up here next. I hope you at least enjoyed this. There is still only one person reading this and I <3 her very much :) Until next time


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