With Valentines nearly here it's really opening my eyes to the different types of girls. You have the girls that are happy with their boyfriends and that boy could get them a rock for Valentines Day and they would cherish it for life. You have girls that do not mind getting anything and are very happy when they get something nice. Sadly, you have my girlfriend too. Where you want something big and grand and great and exactly what you want. Currently the sophomores at my school are selling these carnations that are yellow, pink, and red. Of course of the advertisement posters they have what each color means. Yellow-Friendship. Pink-Admiration. Red- nothing other then L-O-V-E love. So what's the first thing out of her mouth? "I want one!!! You had better get me a red one!" of course me already being frustrated with most things coming out of her simply reply "No I'm getting you a yellow one." and she squeals "You had better not! I would be sooo upset! I would probably cry!" Shouldn't a girl be happy if her boyfriend gets her a flower no matter what the color is? Or maybe I am just crazy.
Valentines Day is the day all the girls go crazy about spending time with their current love and get presents. Of course there are always exceptions to the rule. The sad part is the exception is very small. Valentines Day is when all guys with a girlfriend go "Ugggh. More money spent that will probably just end up in a break up." but we still end up going out and buying something we think our girl would like. Men really aren't the big power of the world.
Mean while during all this frustrating V-day crap I have to worry about my grades and other responsibilities on top of me worrying about her grades. It's my weakness. I care to much. If she doesnt pass with an A these next two quarters she will fail her math class for the year. This really disgusts me because I know I'm better than that. I know I deserve a girl that can do better than that. Even the math teacher sees that. Mr. Chase. He is a young man. Probably late twenties. We always talk about guy stuff and life. Well he keeps me updated on how she's doing in class. He has even asked why I keep going back to her and why I dont date someone that is nice, smart, and hard working. I still couldnt answer him though. So that is another thing that's been on my mind. "Why am I with her?" she senses my doubt and needs reasuring almost every waking hour of the day. My whole body acts like I want to be with her. It's only skin deep though. Underneath it all my turning and churning with this ever present problem.
I wish for once there could be more answers than questions. Why do I have to be so complicated? Sometimes I have this desire to just walk into the deep woods of the north with nothing but what I can carry and live a simple secluded life. I envy the stars for their brightness and freedom. I envy the birds who can fly to wherever their hearts desire. I envy even the beggar who has one thing on his mind at once and that's how he's going to make it through that day.
Oh well. Somethings just never change and that includes people. Until next time.