Today is a complete blur in my head. From 6 am to know has no vivid feeling, image, emotion, anything. Except for this 2 minute interval from 5:20-5:22. See I was sitting outside waiting for my always late father to pick me up after Track and Field practice. The bench I was sitting on has become a regular of mine because my parents can never be on time. Usually this bench is just a blue wooden bench with granite legs that isnt uncomfortable but certainly not the most comfortable bench I've ever set on. An ordinary bench. But today it seemed so relaxing. Well after my friend Sasha had gone back into the school to change into some warmer clothes seeing as we were both waiting for our rides in windy cold weather, I was getting ready to put in my Ipod when I heard some people walking up from the baseball field. I looked up and it was a young couple, probably in their mid to late 20's. With them was a small boy probably 5 or 6. I didnt think anything of them until they got closer and I could hear the pure bliss of this young boy as he ran about in the grass and yelling and just enjoying his time outside. I looked at the couple and smiled as they came close and then I saw this boy had a vest on over his coat. The vest was a light brown color and on the right breast pocket hung a handeful of plastic "scientist" tools. The vest had many pockets with god knows what else in them. I said friendly "Well he is ready for just about anything isnt he!" The couple smiled at me warmly and said that he was out collecting bugs. This is when I realized that the woman looked like she was late in a pregnancy. At the mention of bugs the boy exclaimed "Bugs!" smiling and laughing and running about looking in the grass. With a big grin I said "I think it might be a little cold for bugs today!" His mother then said "Oh no he caught a big ant!" At the mention of the ant the boy quickly opened one of the many pockets in his vest and pulled out a clear plastic vial and ran over to show. I praised him and laughed and complimented at what a great ant the boy had found. Him smiling and laughing the whole time while the couple continued to grin and hold hands. The lady said in that "Mom" kind of voice "Well you know who to call if you see any bugs!" "Oh yes!" I replied still smiling as they walked away. They had dismissed my presence and I looked up to watch them walk about. The father smiling holding his wife's hand while she held her pregnant belly with her other hand all while the boy smiled and ran about looking for more bug.
I bring this all up because this short encounter brought a flood of emotions and thoughts and memories. The boy reminded me of myself in my young days. I loved nature, animals, bugs, anything that had to do with the outside. My mom bought me a different type of nature book every week. From trees and flowers to reptiles, amphibians, birds, and mammals. I was so engulfed by it and loved reading about everything in God's creation. Then the happy couple brought that feeling of envy that I get everytime I see a happy couple. I smiled to myself thinking how much I wanted something like that but how I always seem to let the people closest to me go. How I can never seem to hold on to that pure bliss of being with someone I cant get enough of. Then it brought me to the thought of how my parents have seemed to never really get along. I think we hardly ever did anything as family and whenever it was a family event how much everyone always fought or how us kids would do something to get Dad yelling. This just makes it seem like my parents are together just because they had me. Just because Mom got pregnant with me 4 months before their marriage. It's just such a deep feeling that I've been having with a lot of things lately. A feeling that no one ever made a word for and can hardly be described in words. I dont think I could write how it feels but maybe talking about it the right words may fall into place.
The next point I wanted to make is my perception of time. Lately my memory has been with time. Time down to the minute. Another thing that has really been getting to me is that it seems like everyday I always check the time at 9:11 both am and pm. Everyday. Without fail. It's just such an awful day in American history and here I am opening my phone, twice a day, right on 9:11. It's things like these along with my dreams that really freak me out. It feels good to be writing again. Sure I write in school, but god knows I could never write exactly what I feel most of the time without them suggesting a therapist and some prescription drugs. Well as always when I write, it is late. I am tired. My plan was to get a bunch of things done but as always I find myself finding some way to spend my time in a way that I find meaning in rather than pointless school. That is a different subject for later discussion though. As aways, until next time.